Ruminations..
Scribblings of a vagrant soul...
Friday, April 26, 2024
The Black Shirt and The Chase
Tuesday, April 09, 2024
Hachi - The gentlest soul I have ever seen
I'm not exactly sure when my attraction to Golden Retrievers began, but at some point along the way, I decided that if I were to own a dog in the future, it would definitely be a Golden. Once, I even came across an ad for Golden Retriever puppies and reserved one, but I couldn't proceed with the purchase because my landlord vetoed the idea of me having a puppy when I was living alone. During my teenage years, I had a pet that was given to me as a gift. However, at that time, we had no idea how to properly raise a puppy, and she ended up being completely untrained.(The reason why you should never ever 'gift' a pet to anyone..) That was my only experience with a pet dog until then. Once I got married, Ram's family had 7 dogs, and he was also feeding many more on the streets. So when I told him about the Golden Retriever story, he said we would have one. Additionally, I felt more confident about having another pet because of his expertise.
Hachi was everyone's favorite, despite the competition from the many four-legged species we shared our home with. He had a fan following in the neighborhood we lived in; he was adored by groomers and veterinarians alike due to his friendly and obeying nature. Just as Hachi was everyone's favorite, everyone was his favorite too. We also felt he might have been searching for his original owner in all the people he met. It's often said that dogs become heartbroken when separated from their owners. Despite his love for people, he also made sure to give space to those who didn't like dogs or were scared of him due to his size. How he understood it instinctively was just amazing.
He loved car rides, which was a blessing for hodophiles like us. The moment he saw us packing, he would be all charged up and ready to go. We often wondered why someone would give up such a fine dog like Hachi, and we joked that the only reason might be his never-ending love for food.But as life often unfolds, our time with Hachi was not infinite. He had various health issues which finally claimed his gentle soul, leaving a huge void in our hearts and home. He was with us for over 7 years, and it has been 3 weeks since he passed away, yet we still feel a profound sense of loss and sadness. Sometimes we wonder, while he was literally a dream pet one could ever have, were we the best family he could have gotten? Would it have been better for him to be in a family with just one dog so that he could receive all the attention? Did our move back to Kerala limit his options for receiving the best treatment? Did our elder care responsibilities limit the time and attention we could give him in his final years? However, we won't get any answers to these questions, and they will linger forever in our minds.
As we bid farewell to our beloved Hachi, we hold onto the legacy of his gentle spirit and unwavering love. Though he may no longer walk by our side, his presence will forever be felt in our hearts as we cherish every precious moment we had with him.
Thursday, March 21, 2024
The Chains of Colorism
I just watched a counterpoint debate featuring a dancer Kalamandalam Sathyabhama, and I went back to the clip where the controversy erupted. It is astonishing to learn that even in this so-called progressive time, how vile some of her remarks were. She says, "Some of the performers' complexions are dark as a crow, and even their own mothers would not want to look at them." "People have different opinions. If an artist thinks a black-skinned person can perform Mohiniyattam, it is their opinion. But for me, the performer should be fair-skinned.”
It's disheartening to see individuals in positions of influence perpetuate harmful stereotypes and reinforce old-fashioned notions of beauty based on skin color.
I guess what she doesn't understand is the deep wound she is inflicting on someone else, not just the person she referred to but probably many kids who do not fall in the 'fair-skinned' category. By equating dark skin with unattractiveness and implying that it detracts from one's artistic abilities, she not only undermines the talent and dedication of countless performers but also inflicts deep emotional wounds on those who do not conform to her narrow standards of beauty.
Listening to her words, dripping with contempt for those whose skin did not meet her arbitrary standards of beauty, I couldn't help but feel a pang of familiarity. As someone who has personally experienced the repercussions of colorism, I understand the lasting effects it can have on one's self-esteem and sense of worth. Growing up where fair skin was prized, I'm all too familiar with the hurtful comments and comparisons that clouded my childhood. My mother, with her extremely fair complexion, was the epitome of beauty in the eyes of our community. People often remarked on our striking resemblance, except for one glaring difference – my skin color. From a young age, I was aware of the disappointment and pity on their faces when they realized I didn't inherit my mother's fair skin. The comments were relentless, "Ayyo, ammade color kittiyillallo" (so sad she didn't inherit her mother's color), they would sigh, their words like daggers to my fragile sense of self-worth. "Chinnakkuttide mol karutha kutti aayallo" (the girl is dark-skinned), they would whisper, clearly showing their disappointment in every syllable. There were also comparisons with my fair cousins so much so that I have always felt unattractive and unlovable. It's hard to pinpoint exactly when the seeds of self-doubt were planted, but societal prejudice played a big role. It took a long time to start overcoming those feelings, even if only partly.
So, to Kalamandalam Sathyabhama and all those who believe in the toxic myth of colorism, I say this: true beauty lies not in the shade of one's skin but in the depth of one's character and the resilience of one's spirit. We must challenge these biased ideas and strive towards a more inclusive and equitable society where every individual is valued and celebrated, regardless of their skin color.
And to those who feel judged by societal beauty standards: Do not allow others to dictate your worth based on the melanin in your skin. It is not your skin color that defines you but rather the strength and resilience that lie within. You are capable of rising above the narrow confines of societal expectations.
By making diverse voices heard, showing representation in every way, and creating a culture where all kinds of beauty are accepted and valued, we can start to undo the damage caused by colorism. This will lead to a better future for everyone.
Monday, February 05, 2024
The Gorgeous Mess of Life
Here's to us – the beautifully imperfect, wonderfully messy souls. May our incomplete tasks serve as a reminder that we are constantly evolving, and our unfulfilled dreams fuel the fire of possibility. Let's be kind to ourselves, celebrate the mess, and trust that life has a way of treating us to some pretty awesome surprises. Cheers to the beautifully imperfect journey we're all on!
Thursday, December 28, 2023
2023 Reflections
Friday, September 29, 2023
Balancing Care and Life!
Recently, the renowned Malayalam filmmaker and screenwriter, K G George, passed away in a retirement care home. Following his demise, his family, especially his wife, faced significant criticism and cyberattacks from fans and the media for not caring for him at home. He had suffered a stroke a couple of years earlier, and his family has stated that they meticulously researched and selected a retirement home with a strong reputation for specialized stroke patient care, with doctors readily available. Their primary aim was to ensure he received the best possible care, not abandonment. It is indeed saddening that the family had to endure this unexpected wave of societal judgment and criticism during such a painful time.
Taking care of elderly parents is a difficult and emotionally demanding task that isn't straightforward. It becomes even harder when you live far away because you may not be physically present to provide daily care. Most of my friends are currently dealing with similar challenges as our parents' generation is getting older, with most of them now over 65 years old. Even if the elderly person is healthy, catering to their needs can be challenging because mentally, they may still feel they can manage their lives as before, but their aging bodies may not agree, leading to a struggle.
Caring for a loved one, particularly as a primary caregiver, comes with significant challenges that can impact the caregiver's own life in various ways. Below are some of the experiences that me and my mom had to overcome when my father was critically ill. While each family's situation is unique, there are common challenges and issues that families often face. Although I'm not an expert, here are some of my thoughts on how to navigate these situations.
Emotional and Mental Well-Being: Witnessing a loved one's decline in health can be emotionally and mentally distressing, especially when you've known them as a strong person all your life. As caregivers, we may feel sadness, frustration, guilt, and anxiety, which can lead to burnout and mental health problems if not managed effectively. Therefore, it is essential to prioritize self-care, seek emotional support, practice stress-reduction techniques, and ensure that we take regular breaks to recharge and manage our well-being.
Physical Health: The physical demands of caregiving can take a toll on a caregiver's health. Lifting and assisting with mobility, managing medications, and providing personal care can be physically challenging, leading to exhaustion. Prioritize personal health by maintaining a healthy diet, regular exercise, and getting enough rest. Seek assistance from others or professional caregivers for physically demanding tasks.
Gender Roles: In many Indian households, caregiving responsibilities are primarily shouldered by women, which can result in a disproportionate burden on female family members. It is important to involve other family members and encourage a fair distribution of household and caregiving duties.
Time Management: Caregiving responsibilities can be time-consuming, leaving us with little time for personal pursuits, work, or other family commitments. Develop a structured schedule that involves multiple family members or professional caregivers. Prioritize tasks and consider delegating responsibilities to others.
Career and Work-Life Balance: Many of us have to balance their caregiving responsibilities with full-time jobs, which can be physically and emotionally demanding. This can lead to burnout and a strained work-life balance. Communicate with employers about caregiving responsibilities and explore available workplace support, such as flexible work arrangements or employee assistance programs.
Lack of Respite Care: Adequate respite care options are often lacking in India, leaving us with little opportunity to take breaks and recharge. Therefore, it is important to seek help from friends and family members to provide respite care, or consider hiring a professional caregiver to provide temporary relief.
Social Isolation: The demands of caregiving can often lead to social isolation. We may find ourselves with limited time and energy to maintain social connections and engage in activities outside of the caregiving role. Make an effort to maintain social connections even if it means seeking support from friends and family to free up time for social activities.
Uncooperative Patients: Caring for a patient who is uncooperative or resistant to care presents significant challenges for the family. It is important to respect the patient's dignity and autonomy while offering choices whenever possible. Seek their preferences and consider making adjustments to the care routine.
Stigma Around Institutional Care: There is often a stigma associated with placing elderly family members in institutional care, such as nursing homes or assisted living facilities. This can make it challenging for family to explore alternative care options. Educate skeptical family members about the benefits and necessity of institutional care when it's in the best interest of the elderly person.
Financial Strain: Last but definitely not the least, caregiving can have financial implications, as it often requires hiring professional help, purchase of medical supplies, home modifications, or even reduced work hours or career interruptions to provide care. Seek financial advice to create a budget and explore available resources to manage caregiving-related expenses.
Friday, September 01, 2023
Breaking Silence, Shattering Stigmas: Women's Health Awareness
I had thought long and hard whether to write this. In fact, this was a post I had been contemplating from my active blogging days more than a decade ago and finally got to write it now. This is to share my experience living with Polycystic ovary syndrome/ Disease (PCOS/PCOD) which is a common endocrine disorder affecting women of reproductive age. It is characterized by hormonal imbalances, irregular periods, and the formation of multiple cysts in the ovaries. It is a precursor for other serious conditions including obesity, type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease and endometrial cancer and its prevalence has been on the rise in recent years.
Teenage Turmoil
My journey with this disorder began during my early teenage years. My mother had a transferable job, and during my teenage years, she was working outside the district, coming home only on Sundays. During one of her visits, she sat me down and explained about the menstrual cycle and gave me instructions on what needs to be done which according to her I might experience soon. The very next month I got my first period and managed it exactly as I was instructed. I also informed mom about it, and she was glad that she educated me just in time. But one thing she missed telling me and I was not aware of was that this bleeding would stop after a couple of days. Then one day I fainted and was rushed to hospital. A blood test showed extremely low HB count and that was when everyone around me realized I was bleeding heavily for 4 months straight! And that was just the first instance of the turmoil I had to endure in the coming years. Doctors were also new to this symptom at that time, and I was put on multiple experimental medications just to stop the bleeding.
In a society where anything related to menstruation was considered taboo and impure, all the difficulties had to be hushed and endured silently. I remember the struggle I had in school during PT classes which I had no strength to attend but I could not take an exception as I was not comfortable talking to my teachers about it. Moreover, it was difficult to explain to others what I was going through, when I did not fully understand it myself. Then there was this excruciating pain that kept me awake all night and made me miss classes (even exams). After countless appointments and tests that spanned over 2-3 years, I was finally diagnosed with PCOD when I was 15 years old. The internet was not as prevalent then and so I had to turn to medical dictionaries to understand what it meant. Knowing what I was dealing with gave me a sense of relief, but it was also daunting to learn about the complexities of the condition.
Adulthood Challenges and Finding Support
The irregularity of my menstrual cycles made it difficult to plan my life, whether it was pursuing career goals or making social commitments. That was the time I had discovered travel as a passion, but it was difficult as I was unsure of when the heavy bleeding or pain would strike again. The unpredictability was frustrating, and I could not help but feel like I was missing so much if not for this situation. It was like putting my life on hold with no end in sight. (Though I have to say I have managed a lot of travels still with the condition)
The Internet gave me more insights into my condition but also amplified my fears, apprehensions, and uncertainties. That time I also realized I am not the only one in this space unlike what I had thought initially. I have close friends/relatives in the medical field and still it took me a decade even to talk to them about my experiences and that was a big relief. Slowly I told some of my travel mates so that they were aware of my difficulties during our trips. Sharing my stories and experiences provided a sense of belonging and acceptance and reminded me that I was not alone in this battle.
Symptoms of PCOS:
PCOS presents a range of symptoms that impact various aspects of a woman's health. Irregular menstrual cycles, often accompanied by missed periods or heavy bleeding, are a common hallmark. Many women also grapple with weight gain and obesity due to insulin resistance, which may lead to an increased risk of type 2 diabetes. Conversely, excess weight can exacerbate insulin resistance and other PCOS symptoms. Polycystic ovaries, detected through ultrasound, are characteristic, but not all women experience this feature. Excess androgen levels contribute to symptoms such as hirsutism and acne. Mood disorders, skin issues, and sleep disturbances can further complicate the PCOS experience. Women with PCOS are at a higher risk for cardiovascular issues due to factors like obesity, insulin resistance, and metabolic syndrome. Irregular periods can lead to changes in the uterine lining, increasing the risk of endometrial hyperplasia (excessive thickening of the uterine lining) and possibly endometrial cancer.
It is important to recognize that while these symptoms are prevalent, not all individuals with PCOS will experience all of these issues. The diagnosis of PCOS is typically based on a combination of symptoms, physical examination, and diagnostic tests such as blood hormone levels and ultrasound. Treatment and management of PCOS can vary depending on individual circumstances and goals. Lifestyle changes, such as adopting a healthy diet and engaging in regular exercise, often play a central role. Medications may also be prescribed to address specific symptoms, such as regulating menstrual cycles or managing insulin resistance. If you suspect you have PCOS or are experiencing related symptoms, it's recommended to consult a healthcare professional for proper diagnosis and guidance.
Managing PCOD and Acceptance
To manage my PCOD, I relied on a combination of medical interventions and lifestyle changes. Birth control pills helped regulate my menstrual cycles and reduce the heavy bleeding to some extent. But I also realized that lifestyle modifications played a crucial role. Regular exercise became a part of my routine, and I focused on maintaining a balanced diet to improve my overall health. While these changes did not cure my condition, they helped in managing the symptoms and reducing some of the emotional burden I carried. I also realized any change in my routine, food habits or even my mental state also adversely affected the condition and I tried to keep up with my routine whenever I deviated.
Living with PCOD has taught me the importance of self-love and acceptance. The societal notion of "good" is often intertwined with perfectionism and the pursuit of flawlessness can paralyze us. There were times when I blamed myself for not being "normal" or 'perfect' like others, but over the years I have come to understand that PCOD is not my fault, and it does not define my worth as a person. It has been a challenging journey, but I have also grown stronger through this experience. I try to be kinder to myself and acknowledge that my journey may be different from others, but it is still meaningful and beautiful in its own way.
While PCOD continues to be a part of my life, I refuse to let it hold me back. Through the years, I have learned to navigate the difficulties, finding strength in my struggles, and discovering ways to manage this condition. If you are going through a similar experience, know that you are not alone, and together, we can support and uplift one another on this unique path we walk.
# PCOS Awareness for a Healthier Tomorrow
Monday, August 22, 2022
Bucket list for this year
Two days
back I was reminiscing about my activity filled early Bengaluru days and Ram
was asking me why I am not active now and whether it was the marriage that
changed me. Truth is, I had stopped doing many of those activities much before
marriage, may be the day-to-day life just got in the way. And of-late, the
pandemic had put some serious limitations on living the life that my heart
wanted to live, and I thought it is high time I do something about it. So, I
have decided to start living my bucket list by taking at least one step towards
my goals every day.
I do have
a much bigger bucket list, but I thought of taking a subset to be completed in
a year. I am just listing down few of my bucket list ideas and examples as
inspiration if any of you want to create your own cool bucket list. Most of my list is based on things I am reluctant to do (like interacting with strangers) or to nudge me to do things I used to do earlier (photography, art, volunteering etc.) Basically,
try new things, take a risk, overcome a fear, accomplish a task, pamper
yourself - all tiny steps towards a more well-rounded you. Some of it might
need some planning, some will only take a few hours out of our day, but at the
end of the year, when we look back at all that we have accomplished, it will be
worth it. So, make a list of the things you would really like to do and promise
yourself to get started on one task each week.
- Invite someone new to go for
a coffee.
- On holiday, take a photo of ten
strangers and try to get a little story or snippet to go with each.
- Ask a senior citizen, to
tell you about what it was like when they were young
- Meet a Blog Reader in person
(Anyone game? Of course, my treat)
- Give lots of (genuine)
compliments. If you have a nice thought about someone, let it out!
- Perform a random act of
kindness for a stranger
- Become a mentor to someone
younger than you.
- Take all old books and
magazines to a local waiting room, for others to read
- Clean out your closet,
donate everything you have not worn in the past year to charity.
- Declutter ten items
- Volunteer for a day
- For a period, a week, a month,
or all year, only shop locally. Purchase free-range, ethical, and
fair-trade goods, buy from independent retailers, at farmer’s markets and
give handcrafted creations as presents.
- Pick a random novel from a
bookshop. Read the first paragraph. Do something (anything) triggered by
those words.
- Grow a Beautiful Garden
- Take an art class. (May be https://www.lovelifedrawing.com/how-to-draw-faces/)
- Make a scrapbook of a
memorable occasion
- Take the camera with you for
an entire day and capture everything and anything that takes your interest
- Every day of a week, capture
a moment of your day with a drawing or painting
- Create a piece of art & sell
it
- Print and display the
digital photos
- Make a new website
- Make someone a birthday or
celebration cake.
- Surprise Someone
- Take photos of ten favorite corners of your home.
- Visit your elementary teacher
- Get back in touch with an
old friend
- Write a handwritten letter
to someone
- Get a professional body massage
- Book a meditation or yoga
retreat
- Organize a professional photo
shoot
- Create a family logo/monogram
- Run a marathon
- Take an academic course
- Clear credit card
- Take a vacation from the
world for a day. Turn your cell phone off.
- Keep a diary of all
your thoughts and feelings. Write every time you feel like it.
- Visit a different country
- Go on a drive in an area nearby
that you do not know well. Explore hometown like a tourist.
- Sleep under the stars.
- Watch the sunrise and sunset
on the same day
- Take a coastal road
trip
- Take the train journey
through a scenic route
- Visit a new tourist
attraction
- Do a tour you have never
done before
- Stay in a unique hotel
- Go on a girls only trip
- Stay up all night talking
- Go on a wildlife safari
- Explore scenic biking trails
- Finish a classic novel
- Plant ten trees
- Make a list of everything that you have done and take yourself out to dinner to celebrate your accomplishments.
Friday, January 08, 2021
Hope filled New Year
- Owing to the pandemic, it was impossible for any plans to be executed for many months. I usually fret even for a slight deviation in the plans I have worked out in my head. Covid taught me to drop the expectations and take tiny steps with discipline and consistency - one day at a time and see where it takes.
- This is the year where I finally took the plunge to leave the corporate life behind and pursue my dreams. Though it got a bit delayed, the firm is finally registered and I am hoping for the operations to begin soon 😊
- Lockdown was the keyword in 2020 when almost all the countries across the world had to implement it. It happened during our planned relocation. I had my corporate exit on March 31st and the one month that followed was the most relaxing time I have ever had in my life - a big relief from conf calls/meetings/reviews/targets/milestones and what not. Probably a time I watched the most TV ever in my life. Binge watched Netflix and even saw a lot of movies too.
- To be back in the house you grew up - whenever we planned the shift, we had thought of moving back to Ram's place as it has a Machu (family temple) which needs to be tended to daily. But Covid stalled our renovation plans there and we are at my childhood home and who can be more happier 😉
- As we have a nonagenarian at home, we are extremely careful in going out. The only place that we have been last few months is the grocery store. So to break the monotony, we have developed an occasional hobby - plant shopping. Also I am getting more than enough time to spend with my plants which gives me so much joy 💗
- I am so so grateful for the health and safety of my dear and near ones especially when we know healthy days are a luxury these days. It is scary especially when there are casualties in your close circle itself.
Friday, May 15, 2020
lnter-state travel to Kerala (14-05-2020)
- Apply for epass in the site https://covid19jagratha.kerala.nic.in/ giving preferred date of travel and the time window of arrival at the checkpost
- Wait for an enquiry call from your respective local administration bodies.We got a call from thrissur corporation. Main requirement for home quarantine is to have a room with an attached bathroom and also some to help to get the essentials.
- Post the call and a confirmation on facilities for home quarantine, an entry pass will be issued.
- Once the entry pass was approved, we had applied for source pass from Karnataka in the SevaSindhu app but it never got approved till 14th, may be because the rules were changed later ==> So this step is NOT needed.
- On the date of travel, keep the entry pass ready (no need of printout. Can show in phone) as there will be checking at every state and district boarders that you pass.
- At the destination checkpost, there will be verification of the epass post which you need to undergo screening
- Screening was very smooth and it barely took us 20 mins for the whole procedure. They verified the details and did a temperature check of all passengers (contactless)
- You also need to install Aarogya Setu app and register, if not done already.
- Post the screening, transportation pass
Transportation pass - You can cross district boarders only with this pass where it is checked and the full address of destination is noted.
- You will be advised to contact the respective PHC upon arrival and also advice given on the quarantine procedures to be followed at home.
- We got the call from PHC even before we arrived and also in the evening after we arrived.
- We also got calls from counceller yesterday and also multiple calls from the state police today cheking on us.
- Edited to add - Police visited our home and looks like there will be daily visits twice until the end of 14 days.
- Edit 2 : People from DMO office also visited our home and handed over the quarantine procedures to follow and also a specific booklet on lockdown with lots of info including mental health and food habits. We had to sign an affidavit as well.
- We are advised room quarantine and since we have a nonagenarian at home, we are staying upstairs.
- Food to be served in the room and family member serving us to wear mask.
- We have to keep seperate utencils for us and to be washed by us and not to be mixed with other vessels used by other members
- Wash our cloths ourselves
- Car which we travelled should also be quarantined and not to be taken out by other family members
- None of our possessions to be touched by other family members. Newspapers etc to be read by other members and then only given to us and not to be passed back.
- All the tolls are functional and so recharge the FastTag to avoid cash transaction. Some have increased toll amount and so keep a buffer while recharging
- Cook and carry food , snacks and refreshments as almost all of the highway eateries are closed and that is much safer too.
- We were shifting back to Kerala and so had the entire household to be moved back. Most of the packers and movers said they haven't started interstate operations for fear of 14 days quarantine. But this is not the case for container drivers as long as they have exit pass (it is a different procedure). Same with taxi also in case you do not have own vehicle.
- As soon as the norka registration for interstate travel opened , we had registered but due to ambiguities related to cargo movement earlier, we had applied for epass only on 3rd of May for a travel date of 11th May after getting confirmation from packers n movers. Initially there was a confusion in issuing passes for people coming from red zone and our application was not approved until 10th May. Since we couldn't do the shift in a day, we couldn't travel on the same day of pass. But travelling on a later date is fine. Earlier date will not be possible. So apply accordingly
- There was no rush at the screening centers on the date and time we arrived and social distancing was followed unlike the reports that we read.
- Everyone coming in single vehicle will be screened at the same counter. There are seperate counters for senior citizens, pregnant women and children.
- Follow the quarantine procedures strictly as we do not know how and when we are getting exposed especially since we are passing through different checkposts. Most of the officers were careful not to touch anything from the passengers but it is never a guarantee
- Last but not least avoid any non-essential travel. We travelled only because I had quit my job and our next plans were to be in hometown permanently.