Friday, November 30, 2007

Match Making !!!

If there is one thing I hate the most, that is when people try to convince me to consider some particular guy..And I have no clue how they come up with this idea that it will be an "ideal match".These so called "abyudayakamshikal" would have no clue about the girl or the guy and their interests in life.. Some instances that I have gone through..

One evening a neighbor cum far relative comes home with three other people - a dad , mom and their son. I treated them as any other guests and finally when they were about to leave I realized that it was an official "girl seeing" that took place there. The guy was in the USA and had come down for a short vacation (read marriage). Apparently they wanted some girl who is bright so that the next generation would be brainy(genes u see). Since I had got into engineering with a decent rank, I matched their criteria of "brilliant" and fell in their radar. The funny thing was although they wanted a professional girl they didn't want the girl to take up a career and so wanted me to terminate my studies, get married and cook for him !! That time I was in my first semester and marriage was not even in my wildest dreams.. Even age wise I had just turned 18 (and this guy was 30+). Luckily my parents didn't agree for the "discontinuing studies" part and so I was saved. But my poor parents got 'galies' from whole family for not considering such a "good proposal" from such a "nice family". I have no idea how the "nice family" matters if the guy and girl don’t get along well!!

I had done my B.Tech project in VSSC, Trivandrum and so we used to take the night train for our frequent travels. We used to board the train from Thrissur at around 10.30 pm , sleep , wake at 4.30 am and get down at around 5 am. In one of those journeys we met this lady who was going to Dubai. Her flight was from Trivandrum airport. All of us ( we were 4 girls doing the project) had woken up and was waiting for the stop and this lady started chit chatting (Somehow I'm always the victim for all kathis in this world !!) . She asked me why we are traveling and I told her about the project. She hadn't heard about B.Tech and so asked me whether it is a degree course n I replied affirmatively. Then she was suddenly interested in my place, religion n caste which made me uncomfortable. Her next question was whether I can marry her brother!!! It seems he was working in Dubai and the biggest incentive that she offered me was that he'll take me to Dubai. She tried desperately to get my home phone no so that they can proceed through parents!! What astonished me was the fact that she was seeing me for the first time(that too only for 15 mins) and had absolutely no idea about me or my family or anything and still wants me to be part of her family!

And there is another place that I dread - marriage halls - especially the ones in the family. All your relatives(most of them will be seeing you for the first time) will come up with some or other prospective groom somewhere. Once I had to put up with one particular "uncle" who was hell bound in marrying me off to his nephew. He made me listen to his nephew's accomplishments for a whole 3 hours!!! After that I was so pissed off that I missed enjoying that much awaited marriage in the family..

And sometimes even friends will fall in this category.. They will try to fix you up with every other person whom "they feel" is suitable for me. And if that guy is a good friend of yours that's it. Many a times I have got his question "You both are very good friends. They why can't you consider him". Sometimes this will follow a big list of positives that I can enjoy if I marry him. I have a friend who even threated to break our friendship unless I considered this guy whom she found was "very suitable" for me. And the culmination is when my mom asked me the other day "You and X are being friends for so many years. Do you want to marry him?". I just wished a chasm had opened at my feet and I was taken in like Sita Devi.. How can I convince people that I'm not looking for a prospective groom in every guy I meet or that a friendship is far different than sharing your life with a partner. I do understand that people don't particularly like a girl staying unmarried. But I feel it's a person’s right to make a choice and everyone should respect that..

PS: You can also check this related article from one of my favorite blogger.

26 comments:

Amey said...

Marriage halls... these are the "watering holes" of the marriage-makers. Uncles are rare though, aunties are the main predators there.

I remember my sis was asked about my marital status in a ceremony she was attending. I was in second year engineering then. My friend actually went through an impromptu "boy seeing" in a marriage.

Santu said...

Parents (Friends!! - You too!) think that their daughters are safe when they are married off to somebody, but not true any more.

I cannot agree more on the comments on some of the match making attempts - me too had had some hillarious experiences - Fun to laugh it off now :)

And yes, It is a matter of choice and the least treaded path has more resistance, so you shouldn't be surprised!

Thanu said...

OMG I read this post and I was like this is just a different version of this

Sandeep Unnimadhavan said...

Hey .... that was a nice read. And havent I heard similar stories before :-) Just wondering if everybody consider getting married is the sole purpose of life!

-Sandeep [usandeep.com]

ദീപു : sandeep said...

We, boys, also face same issue. Last time when I went home one elderly person asked me when I am getting married... I told him that I have not even thought about it. I couldnt decipher the expression on his face. He started his arguement... You have a good degree, have a good job, earning well. Then why cant you get married ? I put an end to that conversation right there saying "Jesus was in his thirties when he was crucified"

He just walked away.

Sini said...

Oh, I know just the guy for you!
:)

Resma said...

That was a nice read.... even me faced almost the same situation since the time I started my 1st semester:-)

Is it the generation gap that makes those uncles or aunts not understand the situation of us?
I really wondered it several times.

Soul said...

Marriage....

Tell me why do u want to get married ?
what is the sole reason of getting married ? Is it beacuse all humans are getting married and since you also fall onto the category of humans , you also have to get married .
I do not feel why people are behind this thing..
even I have the problem of my relatives chewing my brains for marriage matter.

Ajith said...

Situation is not different with guys either.. Once u have a job, world expects u to 'settle down'.

Anu said...

Nice post da :)

Sadhana said...

Hmmm nice one! I dont know how u read my mind.. You wrote what I wanted to.. Now its my turn! I'm facing the same problems now! Not only with my relatives, sometimes my parents also :( Poor me! I have stopped going home on weekends coz of this reason !! :(

Then, the solution my mom has found now is eating my head on phone!! :)

Candid Confessions said...

"You both are very good friends. They why can't you consider him"

Thats the most annoying to me, if you'd ask! Iv been through those oh so many times. I dont see who on earth even friends dont let be!!!

blog-o-phobia said...

"I do understand that people don't particularly like a girl staying unmarried. But I feel it's a person’s right to make a choice and everyone should respect that.."

This is my fav...actually I "dont" understand y they dont like a girl being unmarried..it IS her choice after all!!

I loved the whole thing..totally agree!

Jeevy said...

Well, I guess these are some of the problems every girl goes thro!
I so hate it!

peace & love
Jeevy

The Avenger !!! said...

take your time, its better to be sure than regret later on !!! and as i always say, age is a non essential number !!!

Dhanya said...

@ Amey : Yeh I know normally it's aunties who do the honors. I have faced that too but this "3 hr" uncle stands out!! And yes "boy seeing and "girl seeing" are too common.. If the concerned party doesn't know about it it's fine.. Else it's embarrassing..

@ Santu : Yeh everyone thinks girls are safe when they are married off and the funny part is it doesn't matter who. Just anyone will do!! And no one bothers whether they are happy or not after marriage..

@ thanu : Yeh I read your post.. Good that now you have someone to flaunt :) And I would like you to continue blogging..

@ Sandeep Unnimadhavan : Sadly most people consider getting married the sole purpose of life..

Btw thanks a lot for coming here :) You have got a nice site but I couldn't get any feeds. Any feeds available?

@ Sandeep : yeh that's always the argument good job , good degree, blah blah.. Your comment was hilarious.. :)

@ sini : et too Brutus.. I am single and not ready to mingle.. So I think you better keep that guy for yourself ;)

@ resma : I don't think generation gap has anything to do with this.. that's why even friends are becoming culprits..

@ soul : These are the questions that I also have but unfortunately I don't have any answers for them :(

@ ajith : yes I know it's not different for guys.. But probably you get little more time, i.e. until you get a job and not when you turn 18 or so..

@ anu : thank you :)

@ sadhana : welcome to the party :)

@ priyanka : yeah I know that's very much annoying esp when you don't have any such intentions..

@ blog-o-phobia : Thanks a lot for coming here.. And yes I also don't know why..

@ jeevy : yes that's true and I guess it'll continue that way.. :(

Dhanya said...

@ avenger : yeah sure.. I'll get into it only if I really feel the need :)

Life Rocks!!! said...

Sigh!! Feels good to know there are more people in my same boat...

Usha said...

Poor you! I am shocked at the presumption from the boys' side- that they could expect you to discontinue studies to get married or marry someone just to live in Dubai!!
As for your mom's question, I think she may have meant it in a nice innocent way - that if you like this friend and he reciprocated, then perhaps you could consider marriage. But yeah, after writing this I see the absurdity of such an assumption! :)
Thanks for the link.

dewdrop said...

Nicely put. I can totally relate to whtever u wrote because i myself face and have faced simlar situations. :)

Richy said...

:)

Alameen said...

well...
I can relate the story to a similar one a friend of mine is experiencing...

I think you are a better match for him...
Horoscope plz...

hehehe

Dhanya said...

@ Vidhya : Yeh there are many more in the same boat :(

@ usha : It's a common presumption that the girls party will accept anything esp if the boy/boy's family is well placed. And yeh I'm really scared of such assumptions. I have so many very good friends, but it's impossible to think them in a different light..

@ hima : Welcome to the club :)

@ Richy : :)

@ Alameen : oh why not? !!! But he should be in Dubai :P

ancientmariner said...

donno why I keep bumping in to marriage related blogs now a days...i have seen this with mallu parents that they want to get their daugher married off as soon they pass out of college...this mindset shud change,...

Dhanya said...

@ ancientmariner :Thanks a lot for coming by.. We can only hope that the mindset would change..

Andy said...

Unmarried 44. This is me. I finally understood, we are not half persons, we are complete. Happiness is not in another person, or children. It is something we alone have to make.

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